An intimate morning with Martin Green CBE

 

We need to talk about Martin Green, director of the Eurovision Song Contest.

This morning, he held a Q&A event with fans, OGAE representatives and accredited fan media outlets, this year called "Specialized media". Of course, I attended. Some things that were said were interesting. Some things that were not said were, of course, more interesting.

In a packed conference room of the Wien Museum, Green answered questions from people present and Rob Lilley-Jones, host of the Euro Trip Podcast. People could scan a QR code and put in questions, of which a few were picked.

A question on the meeting of the former ORF president with the Israeli president was prominently featured as one of the top rated questions for most of the event, but was not addressed.

Nevertheless, Green offered some insights, summarised below:

• There was no direct vote on the participation of KAN at the EBU General Assembly in December last year as this has led to 'discomfort among several broadcasters'. The initially announced vote was cancelled in light of the Gaza ceasefire in October last year. Green also highlighted the precarious independent position of KAN as Netanyahu threatens to privatize it, which would also lead to their EBU membership (and thus Eurovision participation) revoked.
• He is "supremely confident" in the current voting system and has seen "no evidence of disproportionate advertising this year"
• He gave a few insights into voting patterns, highlighting how "most people now vote between one and five times, and for several countries". In the near future, he wants to have the public vote co-ordinated entirely through the Eurovision app, but national legislation on public televoting complicates this considerably.
• The preparations for the Asian spin-off in November are going "really well", with various participating broadcasters now present in Vienna to check things behind the scenes.
• Regarding further expansion and returning countries, he said Canada's CBC is mainly interested in joining the EBU as a Full Member with Eurovision not the key priority - and regarding a potential return of Hungary, he simply said "If it happens, it happens."
• By the end of this week, we will have more info on JESC. (Right now, no host country has been announced for the next edition.)
• He does not believe participation fees will go up next year as there is "a robust opt-in model" among broadcasters. They also want to have more revenue from ticket sales and merchandising to ease participation fees for broadcasters.
• Finally, he mentioned the Eurofan thing on Eurovision.com as a "great engagement tool" that is definitely "not Big Brother-y, but just a better way for fans to have a say". Make of that what you want.

When asked about possible outcomes of an Israeli or an Australian victory and other aspects related to the future of Eurovision, Green refused to comment several times, stating how he "does not want to talk about the outcome in any way".

The title of this blog post was not chosen randomly. When the moderator introduced a question on sponsor MoroccanOil with saying "This is something that many of us in the room are wondering", Green cut him off and said, and I quote literally (and I have it recorded), "Do you want it in inches or centimetres?".

This brings me to my conclusion: for someone who is actively disliked by many in the fandom (or so it seems at least), I must admit that he is not shy or hiding away. He is in the media centre all the time talking to journalists, easily approachable. During the Q&A he cracked several jokes which were crowdpleasers. He is a very smooth talker.

Please don't get me wrong though. I am not defending him - I still believe that under his auspices, the EBU and Eurovision organising body have made several key mistakes that have brought the Contest in the mess it currently finds itself in.

But at the same time, as counterintuitive as it may sound, Martin Green CBE does his public job very well. Even if he himself believes that some or most of what he says doesn't make a lot of sense necessarily, he does it well from a public speaking/PR standpoint. And that, I have to admit, is something I ultimately respect.

But please one person one vote okay thanks bye Martin xxx

Semi-Final 2 - 2nd Dress Rehearsal + Predictions

I want to return to the elephant in the room.

Auri let me know that he is not in any way offended by being referred to as an elephant. I know this because I asked him. I didn't *quite* understand his muffled cries completely but assume it's all good. He kept shrieking the colour green in anguish. I wonder what that might be all about. We'll never know for sure.

After someone chastised me for not giving sufficient warning to the show's contents, and after I was unfortunately unable to liveblog this afternoon (I was doing something else), I will be providing you with a detailed account of the jury show for Semi 2. I will include a full breakdown of when you can expect what in the show. That means: spoiler alert!

I can already inform you that Taylor Swift is no more... being played in the media centre. Instead, we now get a recap of all Eurovision winners from 1956 onwards. Several times a day.

Eröffnungszeremonie (21:00)

The show opens with Wasted Love... performed by our hosts of the evening in a clearly prerecorded segment. Of course, everything goes horribly wrong as they try to mimic JJ's Eurovision performance from last year. They nearly kill themselves multiple times and one can only hope for someting to go actually wrong at some point. I really hope Austrians find this funny at least.

The hosts then arrive on stage, in the ruins of JJ's stage performance and 'injured'. They also welcome an assistant in the greenroom as if we are supposed to know who she is already. I think her name is Emily? Not in Paris though. Viennese café, remember. Suuure.

More French language jokes. Mais oui.

01. Bulgarien (21:08)

Dara has four dancers who struggle to do their make-up and look somewhat like clowns. It looks daft initially, but then develops in a very slick visual and vocal performance. The five of them perform from what looks like a class or a waiting room until the final part of the song when they are on the main stage.

It's very impressive in terms of choreography, staging and camerawork. Again a solid start to a semi - the producers clearly know what they're doing in terms of running order this year. Dara's singing and dancing is truly mind-blowing.

02. Aserbaidschan ((lol)21:12)

Jiva starts all alone on stage in front of a screen with curtains, failing to hide the gigantic LED screen behind her. Our second performer also has weird make-up, but there is nothing else remotely memorable about this whatsoever. Which is truly a shame. In 2011 or so this could have worked quite well.

She switches to Azeri in the second chorus where she is joined by a man who casually walks on stage before being pushed away by Jiva. He just makes some weird movements on stage instead for the rest of the performance as if he is having a stroke.

She ends with thanking Austria and saying pussy. Mrs. Slocombe is unanimous in that she does not approve.

03. Rumänien (21:16)

Alexandra's performance starts beautifully, very dramatic with the wide strings attached from her outfit to the guitars of the two gentlemen joining her on stage. I'm not sure what the purpose of the White Lady is making a few random appearances but it looks pretty cool.

Impressive camerawork and overall very good vocals from Alexandra throughout but yet this still feels a bit... empty? It's not fully winning me over yet but it could very well do so later.

04. Luxemburg (21:21)

Eva Marija is very nervous tonight and you can hear and see it. Might be sound issues. She's all alone on stage which wasn't the best idea. They very clearly go for the effects onscreen and in the LED screens behind and below her to make it look visually appealing. The choreography is definitely there, and of course also the violin.

But it all falls rather flat unfortunately overall. It's all very endearing, but I doubt this will pick up many points across the board.

05. Tschechien (21:25)

Daniel is also alone on stage, but actually has a proper staging going for him, which makes it look like he's not alone. He's surrounded by mirrors which work very effectively and are constantly moved to create an array of neat optical illusions. This looks especially beautiful in the second chorus where the light design is also on point. The big climax is on point vocally, but I find this latter part rather disappointing visually. I'm very much torn on this one.

Michael Ostrowski 'slipped into something more comfortable' with a lot of feathers and now sports an offensive French accent, 'Allo 'Allo style. Guess which country is next? (21:28)

XX. Frankreich (21:30)

Monroe starts alone on stage dressed in white before being joined by five dancers dressed in black. She looks and sounds amazing. How is she only 17?

The kitsch factor is incredibly high with this and it's mainly vocal acrobatics, but by God, it works so well on screen. Awesome light design and use of smoke throughout the choreography.

This can win, peeps.

We are treated to another Professor Eurovision segment, asking the question: Why are there only gays at Eurovision? Yes, really. That's the literal question asked by a 'student'. Apparently Dany Dauberson (of France 1956 fame) lived with a female 'life companion'.

The segment literally ends with Victoria saying "I hope we can replace all letters in LGBTQIA with just one. H. For Human."

I'll stay polite: I appreciate what this tries to do. (21:34)

06. Armenien (21:38)

Simón (no need for the diacritic there whatsoever) starts with his five dancers and post-id-dotted jacket inside an elevator, quickly making their way onto the main stage. From there on, it's less coherent than I had thought this would be.  When the song is played at 2.5x speed he loses the jacket and invites Europe to 'go crazy' with him. Very cool visuals and use of light design in yellow, white and black. But I'm honestly not sure if this is very good or a total car crash.

07. Schweiz (21:41)

Veronica starts all alone in dark with a very long microphone thread that she appears to have stolen from Alexandra. During the first chorus this develops with some white added to it.

The second verse sees the introduction of four dancers wearing red strings and some hideous camerashots with *two* camera people visible at the same time. From the second chorus onwards the five of them move around in a red tangled web of which I'm not very sure what it is supposed to represent. The guitar solo shot looks really cool with Victoria caught in the web behind her.

I don't get this at all - but I think I like it more than I had expected.

Michael Ostrowski (who is wearing the same ensemble as on Tuesday although in a different colour) discusses becoming a 'eurofan', merely intended to promote Eurovision.com. He highlights that Cyprus holds the record for most appearances without a win, which is always nice to stress of course. (21:45)

08. Zypern (21:47)

I'm typing this while laughing obnoxiously in the media centre. Gurl can't sing to save her life but gurl is hot and mother nature, she knows.

Visually, everything about this is gorgeous though, including a Fuego shot in the bridge. The giant table works very well and the camerawork is amazing. I'm getting Quero ser tua vibes from this, and fear a similar result.

Fun fact: a journalist told me he overheard Antigoni telling a waiter at a restaurant that she is, and I quote, "allergic to vegetables".

Michael Ostrowski (who is unfortunately wearing the same ensemble as on Tuesday although in a different colour) introduces the host entry. This man seems incapable to speak at a normal level. (21:51)

XX. Österreich (21:53)

The host country needs more time; we get 30 seconds of audience shots after the postcard before the song starts.

COSMO (of Fairly Odd Parents fame) starts laying on the floor with four dancers, getting up towards the end of the first verse. The outfits from the national final have been upgraded but the first part of the performance aside, this also very much looks and feels what we saw there before. Silver is the key colour.

This is something the producers would put first to open the show to keep the show 'family-friendly' as it is quite childish in an endearing way. Cosmo is very nice and enjoyable to watch but it's more of a JESC thing - today walking outside the media centre I saw some children who were singing this very loudly, which I found so cute. But I'm not the demo for this, and I fear most adults watching won't be.

Austria has scored a total of two points in its two previous hosting gigs combined in 1967 and 2015. I wouldn't be surprised if that total remains unchanged.

09. Lettland (21:57)

Honestly, I'm not getting lazy, but the best way for me to describe this is: watch the national final performance. It's a virtually identical copy of what we're seeing here.

Atvara makes it all seem so simple and effortless. I appreciate this more than I like it, but genuinely hope this will qualify.

10. Dänemark (22:01)

A third consecutive performance that is clearly inspired by what we saw before in its national selection, but this one has clearly been upgraded. The visuals are different, and the choreography has also been altered to make it run more smoothly for Søren to be introduced in the box with his five dancers.

Uh-oh: he doesn't make the high note in the bridge convincingly and appears to be short on breath. I personally love this as a package but think I've seen him perform this better. 

Fun fact: earlier tonight I ran into Tim Schou (or at least someone who looked a lot like him) at a nearby döner shop. He smiled at me. I pretended to not know who he was.

Time for a second break where get various clips from artists reacting to their first time on stage and their first rehearsals. It's a very nice montage, doing what it has to do (aka filling time). They play Euphoria in the background. (22:05)

11. Australien (22:09)

We first see a harp being played before panning to Delta, surrounded by a moon-shaped prop behind her. Her outfit must be heavier than Salome's. She looks and sounds stunning. I am rapidly becoming a Delta Goodrem fanboy, please send help.

During the second verse, the stage looks dark red as she walks towards a piano on the centre stage which she 'plays' from then onwards. They needn't have asked for permission to play live. This is where the song comes to life, but the performance falls flat. We have another case of ACPPS or, as I call it, Autonomously Continued Playing Piano Syndrome as she walks away *in the middle* of the piano bridge.

In the final part, when you think it wasn't kitschy enough, she is literally lifted on stage on a small platform as fireworks fall behind her. This is chef's kiss, if only for future parody purposes.

12. Ukraine (22:13)

Leléka went for a totally different vibe in terms of look and feel than in the national final. She is joined on stage by a man playing a local instrument (I'm sure PhilC has the name of it in his excellent blog, but I'm not as well prepared).

This may be the most forgettable Ukrainian entry... ever? I forget what I'm seeing during the performance.

I'm honestly in doubt if this will even qualify. I don't see audiences going for this (diaspora excluded) and juries may punish that high note which is just impossible to reach.

In *another* break (as the UK needs *a lot* of prep time for all their enormous props), we see COSMO being interviewed by Victoria in the greenroom. She says "This is your applause" as if it's something people use in English and it isn't directly translated from "Das ist dein Applaus" in German. Michael now sports a leopard skin-patterned scarf. Don't say I don't update you about the show essentials. (22:17)

XX. Vereinigtes Königreich (22:19)

Honestly, I'm not getting lazy, but the best way for me to describe this is: watch this MGP 1988 performance and just add three more of them along with Look Mum No Computer, who is frantically running around the stage between them shouting in lieu of singing. This actually works a lot *better* than I would have expected - but it overstays its welcome quite a bit.

I don't think this is entirely DOA - I could see the Italian jury giving this 12 points easily.

13. Albanien (22:23)

Alis wears a dramatic silver robe. Dramatic is the word that I would use to describe everything about this. I'm watching it and I'm fascinated but also, strangely, bored. Mothers are projected on the screen to labour the point to its capacity. Alis ends surrounded by gigantic wings projected behind him and his mother joining him on stage. Watch and learn, Axel Hirsoux.

It's all a bit... overblown? So many acts in this semifinal went very big and all out and it's all a bit much for this poor blogger to take in.

The song is subtitled in English in its entirety which I'm honestly not sure is a great approach as it might distract from the performance - and not everyone speaks or understands English, after all.

14. Malta (22:28)

Essentially, like other countries tonight, this isn't that far away from what we saw in the national final - but like Denmark, the Maltese performance has been rethought and revamped, to its advantage. The intimate projections of the one dancer are now a swirling effect - and swirling is the word that I would describe everything about this. In the last minute, which is one shot only, Aidan is twisted and turned, blasted by a wind machine and surrounded by subtle yet gorgeous light projections standing in a gigantic circle.

It's all neat and nice, but I'm still not entirely convinced - the billboards all over Europe could push this over the edge.

15. Norwegen (22:32)

Honestly, I'm... pretty tired at this point, not gonna lie. Eurovision week wears one down. But again, this is almost exactly what we saw in the NF. Which is good, because it worked there very well already, so why change things around? Jonas is such a captivating performer, lifting this rather pedestrian song. A solid closer for the final that I can see ending top 3 tomorrow night while not making the final top 15 on Saturday.

22:36 Time for recap information. The lines are opened by a watch party in the UK (in a town/city called 'Woostah' or whatever? Probably spelled Worchester), which is a cute touch. Then it's time for our first recap.

22:43 After recap number one:

No one: ...

Michael: starts singing I'm So Excited by The Pointer Sisters. Later, Victoria joins him. They do the whole song, with a ton of dancers.

Warum nur, warum?

Immediately after this, recap two.

22:49 Michael asks around from what country people are in the arena. Victoria walks on stage and mentions how her boobs are falling out (literally).

They invite all audience members and artists in the greenroom to do a Viennese waltz, to Merci Chérie. I swear that my Udo Jürgens reference above was random, but it works out neatly.

It's like they threw out the script and had to improvise something on the spot at this point.

After this, the lines are closed by a watch party somewhere in Estonia.

22:54 Time for round two of the Eurovision quiz Douze points. The commentators from Norway and Denmark play against their British counterparts. I won't spoil the final outcome yet to leave something to imagination. (I'm mostly zoning out.)

23:01 (Yes, the quiz takes *seven* minutes. That's the length of the entire 1970 voting sequence.)

After promoting the official merchandise, JJ performs his new track, Unknown. It's okay. A lot better than Nemo's and Loreen's follow-up performances, at least.

23:05 Ah, Michael put his scarf on again. We're treated to a reminder of the already qualified songs.

23:07 The random person introduced in the very beginning, two full hours ago, and has not been seen or mentioned since once, is now out of nowhere seen interviewing Bulgaria's Dara in the greenroom - or her male stand-in tonight, at least. Who is this interviewer? Where did she come from? Where did the actual Dara go to already? Sag ihr, ich lass sie grüßen. No, I could not resist that one.

23:10 Time for the qualifier reveal. Song-wise and performance-wise this show is way more all over the place than semi 1, but at least it's a bit more coherent in terms of timing.

Now ending with my predictions... This semi is a hot mess and will be everyone's guess in terms of results. I expect to be very wrong here. Also, mind you, I was convinced Belgium wouldn't qualify on Tuesday.

The Yays

Bulgaria works amazingly as an opener. I see this as a likely winner of the semi, even.

Australia will be rewarded for its OTT-ness. And it's Delta Goodrem.

Norway works amazingly as a closer.

The Probablys

Romania would deserve to go through for their effort, but I'm still not entirely convinced, hence its placing.

Czechia would also deserve to go through for their effort, but I'm also still not entirely convinced, hence its placing.

Latvia will likely also be showered with points by the juries and should have a decent showing among the public.

Denmark would be my main guess for a shock non-qualifier, not helped by its not-so-flawless performance tonight. I still expect this to make this, though.

The Maybes

Armenia might be too hot of a mess to make it, despite the abs.

Switzerland would be my main guess for a surprise qualifier, predominantly thanks to the juries.

Cyprus will need televote support from drunk Love Island fans. But do they watch the semis?

Ukraine finds itself shocked to be positioned only here - but it's all so lacklustre that I haven't been this much in doubt for their chances since... ever?

Albania might also be too much of a good thing.

Malta could also go either way really - I can see this top 3 in the semi, but also 14th. Honestly, I'm clueless.

The Nays

Azerbaijan is doomed.

Luxembourg also appears to be pretty chanceless in this field.

... So yeah, almost anyone's game! Thanks for following along and enjoy the show tomorrow!

Semi-Final 1 - Predictions (+ A note)

We need to talk about the elephant in the room.

Of course, I'm talking about Auri, this year's mascot.

He was introduced during the first media briefing yesterday afternoon in the media centre. I genuinely think he's cute and hope we will see him at some point during the live shows. No appearance during semi 1 from what I could gather unfortunately, but we have two more shows to go after tonight.

Speaking about tonight, here are my qualifier predictions. Last year I was convinced Portugal would end last in its semi, so take that into consideration when reading further.

The Yays

Moldova works amazingly as an opener.

Greece gives us the best performance of the night in my humble opinion and will be rewarded for it.

Finland will qualify by default.

Israel will qualify by default too. Also, see below.

Poland delivers the best vocal performance of the night. This was my #34 before. Never change, rehearsals!

Serbia works amazingly as a closer.

The Probablys

Croatia gives us all the drama we can take in this year (oh, my sweet summer child...)

Portugal ought to make it (now watch them fail) for the contrast with the previous performances alone.

The Maybes

Sweden risks doing a Red Sebastian.

Lithuania will need all the jury support it can muster.

San Marino will get the camp vote, but its appeal is limited.

The Nays

Georgia falls completely flat, in every meaning of the word.

Montenegro just doesn't have a lot going for it in this field.

Estonia will only get appreciation from the wine mums.

Belgium tries its best, but it's just not good enough.

***

And to end, a personal reflection.

I am here in Vienna as accredited press for Songfestival.be. We months ago decided to cover Israel only when absolutely necessary and adding a disclaimer that we respect broadcasters' decisions to keep KAN in the Contest while being against it ourselves.

This was a compromise reached within our team, where we of course also have an array of different opinions.

Here is mine.

A broadcaster representing a country that commits war crimes has no place in a light entertainment show, especially not if it uses it for soft political gains through pinkwashing and intense lobby campaigns.

This is why, in this blog, I will not contribute to Israel's further normalization. I fully know and acknowledge that my individual actions in this nicher than niche blog have no meaningful effect in any way.

I blog here for my own pleasure, and hopefully that of some of you too. If this reflection ruffles your feathers, I of course fully respect that. But for me, this is integrity.

***

That was heavy-handed! Sorry for that! Spoiler alert, but the opening clip for tonight's first semi is already on YouTube. And I honestly believe it is a tearjerker, reminding us all why we love(d) this crazy thing called Eurovision. Enjoy <3

Semi-Final 1 - 1st Dress Rehearsal

Hi from the Wiener Stadthalle!

All accredited press can follow along with the first dress rehearsal this afternoon and I'll be trying to liveblog it all for you, WiFi permitting of course.

Here is a quick picture I snapped of the stage right before a very Austrian woman told me I had to return to my zone. Vicky Leandros was already on stage, lipsyncing for her life.

Eröffnungszeremonie

The first dress rehearsal started at 15:30:00 on the dot but without any additional heads up or welcoming to the press. Semi 1 is opened with the Life of Toni montage which is already on YouTube if you're too curious. It really is beautifully made, I think.

Afterwards we are treated to an impressive choir on stage that performs an abridged version L'amour est bleu, including Vicky Leandros herself. No live vocals detected, but: pyro!

Next we meet our hosts. They're dressed in white and silver. She looks gorgeous, he doesn't. It's giving 70s circus host vibes. They make a few (language) jokes that don't land particularly well but they say and do what they have to. Michael pretends to not know how the voting system works. Appropriate, because who can still keep up, really?

01. Moldau

It's really cool how the LED projections are not only visible in the arena on the wall behind the artists, but also on the floor below them, which goes all the way down the catwalk and even behind the greenroom.

This is the perfect opener - a highly energetic, pro-European stomper. There is a wonderful touch here with Aliona Moon performing her bit in a gigantic dress that is very deliberately resembling her 2013 version, which the crowd loves of course. Lots of pyro in the final chorus. This works really well.

02. Schweden

Basically what we saw in Melfest but with a bit more fun in the light show and projections. It all feels a bit by numbers at this point. Felicia was good but not extremely convincing. I'm honestly not sure if this is convincing enough to qualify or if a fate similar to Red Sebastian awaits.

03. Kroatien

I have to also admit that the postcards this year are absolutely gorgeous. Very stylish shots of the artist in a different Austrian landmark, ending with the artist holding an actual postcard of their own country. Super neatly done.

Neatly done is also how I describe the Croatian performance, which has had a major upgrade compared to Dora. One of the five singers is seated on a high chair, onimously towering over her four colleagues - she comes down during the second verse.

The background projections really help telling the story of the song and there is the same level of fire here you would expect during, well, Fire. The vocals are also on point today and much better than during Dora. I can't really focus on the camera work from where I'm sitting, but at least on the stage this looks great.

04. Griechenland

As expected, Akylas takes his video game look and feel to the max with his background projections, which we here only see on the actual stage and not on the catwalk or behind the greenroom - not sure if this is on purpose or not.

Akylas performs the first half of the chorus inside a box creating a very neat visual effect before stringing one of his dancers along, Helena Paparizou-style. He rides on the catwalk with a kick scooter (there are the visuals here too!) before performing the second chorus from inside a complicated set on stage with four corners each having a very different setting. From an ancient Greek ruin to presumably the house where his mother lives.

It looks absolutely stunning on screen. I haven't seen anything bad yet today but this is hands down the best staging so far. This was fantastic.

05. Portugal

Just like last year, I unfortunately happen to be seated right next to a very loud group of Portuguese press members. Lucky me.

This is effortlessly beautiful. A very modest, dark staging but excellent vocals and beautiful projections of white roses during and after the violinist's part on stage.

The five guys start on the right side of the catwalk before making their way to the main stage towards the end, giving some gorgeous shots along the way.

I have little to say about this except that I really hope this will qualify. I said the opposite last year, so now watch them not make it :(

06. Georgien

This semi has been amazing so far, which obviously couldn't last.

This all feels very hollow with not a lot happening. Very shaky vocals from particularly the female Bzikebi members. For the first time this afternoon, I felt my attention waning. Tepid audience response.

Also: the LED projections of the three Bzikebi members as AI cyborgs are truly creeping me out.

After Georgia we have our first break. Victoria introduces a montage of former participants reflecting on how Eurovision has changed their lives. Sissal, Miriana Conte, JJ, and then a random German fan. And then Will Ferrell. No joke. The sound crew makes an appearance, which is nice. Then Eleni Foureira. Then a Swedish fan. Then Victoria (not Swarovski, but of 2020/21 Bulgarian fame). Then more fans from Sweden and the UK. Yeah it was all pretty random.

XX. Italien

We're treated to a whole story here, starting with a prospective groom getting dressed by his two best men who also do somersaults. During the bridge the bride joins the stage. She kisses the groom and then... she drops on the floor and is undressed by the best men, revealing the Italian flag colours. It's not 100% clear if this was supposed to happen this way but it looked funny.

Overall this was actually rather underwhelming and Sal did not sound very convincing vocally.

07. Finnland

Just watching the gigantic Finnish prop being put on stage is impressive.

It's also amazing to see how fast Linda and Pete run on the stage and how various stagehands are needed to keep Linda's dress intact.

This is exactly what you know from UMK, and it works wonderfully on TV. It doesn't fill me with particular excitement, but this will of course go very far. I'm still not 100% sold if it can go all the way though.

08. Montenegro

Tamara and her four dancers give us their all. The question is if that will be enough to qualify. I'm not convinced.

Red is the dominant colour in the graphics overall, which works very well with the black and white outfits. We get a sunset projected in the final chorus which looks stunning. Tamara doesn't look nor sound particularly great though today.

I'm sorry, but this is a hot mess.

09. Estland

I'm not sure who said it first on the MB, but the description of wine mums is very accurate for this.

They are genuinely enjoying themselves and it's lovely to have them back but it's all rather lukewarm and not very engaging. Until the bridge when they really go all in on audience engagement, which I think will work well with a full arena.

I do think there is an audience for this and can see it sneaking through to the final, only to have last place in the final pretty much qonfirmed.

The onscreen projections are remarkably similar to those of Portugal, at least in the first part of the song. Make of that what you want.

10. Israel

People who want to vote for it, will still do so. Those who don't want to, still won't. What more is there to say?

XX. Deutschland

Sarah Engels starts laying down on an elevated cube on the stage dressed in a stylish white dress. It all looks very sophisticated. In the beginning, at least. The dress comes off pretty fast.

Twenty seconds later it's pretty much the same performance as in das deutsche Finale - Sarah must have overcome major trust issues to let herself drop from the cube into the arms of her four dancers.

It's all giving major go girl, give us nothing vibes. Sarah ends on the elevated cube again surrounded by, of course, her song titel.

11. Belgien

Time for our second break in which we are treated to a video lecture of 'Professor Eurovision', played by Victoria Swarovski. They highlight that Austria holds the shared record for having ended with nil points most frequently, which this blogger appreciates. They mix up Conchita Bautista and Wurst before showing a brief montage of performances ending with nil points. Yes, Jemini made the cut!

The Belgian postcard ends with Belgique only, so that's another major linguistic scandal in national politics waiting to happen.

Essyla starts on the catwalk with what has to be the saddest snow machine ever, held by a single man off-camera and making so much noise that we hardly hear her sing in the beginning.

Which isn't that much of a shame as there are various vocal misses thorughout the performance. Which really is a shame as the staging actually looks really cool with a beam of light projected in the bridge, dramatically unfolding in the final chorus.

The second go girl, give us nothing performance in a row. Had I mentioned yet that I'm not a fan of the second half of this semi?

12. Litauen

We appear to having a wardrobe malfunction with Lithuania on stage and are treated to some improvised greenroom interviews by Victoria and Michael, despite the greenroom being empty. It's all pretty awkward.

Excellent light design. It's all giving Phantom of the Opera vibes, which I mean in a good way here. I don't like this, but I appreciate it tremendously.

This would be my best guess for a left-field shock qualifier if the juries can lap this up enough. I don't see anyone picking up their phone for this unfortunately.

13. San Marino

Bless their bribed hearts and wallets. Senhit starts in one of two giant on-screen constructions creating great visual effects before being reunited with her dancers on the main stage. In the second pre-chorus (which is half the song really) she is lifed by her dancers and carried around for a few seconds.

Boy George is, of course, revealed to hiding out the second construction in the last minute. He has to be the most glorified backing vocal in Eurovision history. This is more camp than a field of tents at an international jamboree. I don't care for the song in the slightest but I so hope this qualifies.

14. Polen

Girl is a vocal power house from the first bars. She starts alone on stage towards the end of the catwalk. During the second verse we go to the main stage where four dancers do their thing on a tilted platform dressed in white and black. Alicja joins them towards the end.

The choreography is stunning and Alicja should make the final based on her vocals alone, despite me not caring for the song at all again. This should make it quite comfortably I think.

15. Serbien

I called this a very weird choice for a closer when the running order was announced, but I have to admit I was wrong. This works very well. A dramatic, explosive finish. This will sail through.

We had to leave the arena afterwards, so that's all folks! Back tomorrow with qualifier predictions...

Is Eurovision A.I.?

No, it's not! Our own Jonathan (a real person - I can confirm) is in Vienna - in person, back to blog for you another year. Enjoy!