Part google translate, part my translation:
Original article here.
TV review: 'Eurovision' on VRT channel één (**)
© Stéphane Laruelle
No, no Beyonce in Antwerp on Tuesday. But saying that there was nothing to see that night is going a bit too far. Whilst looking for a comforting moment of distraction from Beyonce's canceled concert, what did we find? Singing astronauts, a gentle giant, effeminate choreography and a sober commentator André Vermeulen who gave serious comments on what happened. This could only mean one thing.
A particularly nasty freak show? A documentary about the Efteling amusement park? The world's first television broadcast of an LSD trip? No, but it turned out to be the Eurovision Song Contest - the only time of the year which is generally accepted to curse 'them east blockers'. They vote as always amongst themselves.
The Kitschfest visited Malmö to this year. Thanks to (well, if you must) the victory of one Loreen, that won last year's edition with a song titled 'Euphoria'. We realized to our shame that we couldn't quite picture how Loreen looked or that we could remember anything from 'Euphoria'. We couldn't hum even two lines to save our lives. At the opening ceremony there was a smidge of recognition when the number was brought, but little more. A worthy Eurovision winner, thus.
The contest had again, in good tradition, a lot in common with a child without a working immune system: susceptible to the slightest flutter in the air. No trend may emerge or it is pounced upon by a cunning composer in each composition - theme this year: dubstep.
Slovenia came as a case in point with 'Straight into Love ", according to co-commentator Tom De Cock, an entry which resembled something that could have been by Netsky. Best stay out of Edegem (Netsky's town of residence - ed) for a while, Tom. Slovenia, just to be clear did not reach the final. Netsky does not seem to appeal to everyone.
Another creditable attempt at dubstep came from Montenegro, which for the occasion two astronauts on the stage did stumble - because this is the Eurovision Song Contest. We have thought long and hard for a way to describe 'Igranka', to describe the number of impromptu astronauts, but got no further than "the noise that blasts from your xtc dealer's BMW in that dark alley, where you just got pills from, and where you later realize he just gave you a bag of f*cking paracetamol. That type." Montenegro, just to be clear, did not reach the final. Rapping astronauts do not seem to appeal to everyone.
Who says Europe, now also automatically says 'crisis'. Something which didn't escape the attention of the organisers of the contest . To show that every little bit helped towards cutting costs, this year only one presenter was appointed, as opposed to the usual three that are interchangeable. The honour fell this year to one Petra Mede. Also a Swedish comedian who was described by André Vermeulen as someone with a sense of humor and perspective '- positive attributes that, in large quantities can sometimes lead to the Eurovision Song Contest, where they invariably completely prove indispensable.
The actual finale is yet to come on Saturday, but already we can regard this a successful edition. Ticking off all the Eurovision cliché-boxes, after just one semifinal there's very little empty space left on our page. Singers who appear to consist mainly of legs (Belarus), clothing that excels in impracticality (Moldova, with a circus tent that also seemed to be on fire), the annual portion of leather, big drums and bare chests (Ireland, this time), and the most amazing songs, of course. The originality prize went to Ukraine this time, the tallest man in the country had been summoned to come on stage - or the smallest singer, we're not sure. The jury's still out on that one, so to speak.
Only remains to talk about the Belgian entrant, who to everyone's surprise did qualify for the final. But out of fear of comprising our own impartiality, we'd rather let European television viewers do the talking - read their judgment in the collected tweets below. One thing is certain: we have made an impression, guys.
So... the Eurovision Song Contest. How for Pete's sake can you grade something like that? Let's look at it on an appropriate scale: in terms of Eurovision-ness: a well-earned four out of four. In terms of exciting, high quality, valuable programming, ... Well, for the sake of peace let's take an average of the two and give it two stars out of four. Another cliché, simply because it is the contest? Well then: eurovision, six points!