And the final prediction for 2014!

So, with just over 15 minutes until the scheduled start of the Eurovision Song Contest 2014, coming to your screens direct from the B&W Hallarne in Copenhagen, Denmark, I thought it may be appropriate to try and give my (as much as possible) unbiased opinion and thought about the placing of the countries in tonight's show. As history has proven time and time again, this is not my strongest point in the least and I normally manage to fair shockingly badly on this - maybe something to think about for your last minute bets! Whatever I write, make sure you bet against!

So, after nearly two full weeks of rehearsals, of technical failures, of late busses, of more rehearsals, utter joy and sad disappointment for semi-finalists, what have I learnt?

Netherlands
I might be wishful thinking here (not that it would make any difference to me since apparently Maastricht is already being mentioned as a location - which would mean not able to stay at home if it did). I do however think it a strong song and one cannot disregard the monumental shortening of the odds after the semi-final.

United Kingdom
Although many British members of the accredited press seem to be annoyed at the fact that Molly has been selected to close the show, I believe this may be a stroke of genius. Maybe if the Netherlands was in the first half it could have made all the difference but I still think a good second place for the Union Jack is quite credible.

Azerbaijan

I feel this entry may have been dismissed by some of the betting population. It also comes from a country which always has very strong showings in the contest - and it cannot be just due to some unproven less than savoury stunts by some of their supporters. This year they have an excellent song and something for people to really go after.

Sweden

Another strong Eurovision nation and another good song. Tipped by the bookies to be the winner of tonight, I believe it may not make it that far - even though the betting odds have been quite accurate for the past few years. I am sure of a top 5 finish, and a very likely 4th place in my books.

Austria

And to close my top 5, Conchita Wurst will Rise like a Phoenix. Unfortunately I don't think that there will be enough votes coming from some of the more conservative nations tonight to be able to clinch the top spot however a top five showing is quite deserved.

Unfortunately I cannot show explain each of the 26 so the rest will just be placed in my predictive order.

Greece

Denmark

Ukraine

Spain

Hungary

Norway

Armenia

Malta

Slovenia

Switzerland

Finland

Poland

Russia

Montenegro

Romania

Italy

Iceland

Belarus

San Marino

France

Germany

Naturally some very scientific conclusions as to the reasons why I placed some of these countries in the place that I have. We shall see how much Europe and myself agree in about three and a half hours.

1st Dress Rehearsal - 2014 Final (Post-Songs)

After Lise's product plugging, Nikolaj and Pilou start talking about the commentators. It appears Graham Norton will be shown on TV again, probably one of the most famous Commentators accross Europe with his show being broadcast in many of the participating nations.

The voting is to start shortly and the list of all countries is seen. Shots of the green room follow with all but one of the sofa's being filled by stand-ins. The one which is not is France as you could imagine. Lorent, François and Patrick are taking in every minute of this it seems - and good on them for doing so.

Recap of the songs.

Back in the arena and Nikolaj informs us of the competition where people accross Europe were asked to send in their ideas of a performance on stage. A German viewer seems to have had the best idea, and he requeste to see what Eurovision wold look like in the future. We therefore have a preview of what the Contest will look like in 2075!

First of all it is an Earthvision. Every country in the world takes part. A showdown is needed to ensure the contest doesn't last two weeks and therefore five songs take part and sing at the same time. Well, this is ... painful. Merethe Trøan doesn't have enough lung capacity to mock this as much as it needs. We've seen some bad interval acts in the past but this takes the cake. Can we get Petra Mede again please? Really, if you ever needed the bathroom use this - you miss nothing!

After the randomness that was this 'interval', Lise is on stage with Gaia, winner of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2013 from Malta. Gaia doesn't sing her whole song but gives us a bit of the chorus.

Second recap ensues.

After the second recap, there is a 10 second countdown by the three presenters in order to close the televoting.

Nikolaj is on stage and informs us of the Danish museum of Eurovision History in Copenhagen. It incldes ABBA's actual costumes from 1974, the language school for visitors "Douze Points" says the teacher holding a stick. Johnny Logan (the real one) is there also and starts complaining about having to sit on the chair for hours and hours. In the children area, the younger amongst us go into a balloon arched-cave, where Lordi is there to scare them to death.

Leaving the kids area, we meet the Herrey's walking down the hallway, with their golden shoes leaving golden footprints on the floor. Finally, a karaoke booth with glitter and pyro and anything else which a Eurovision hopeful will need. Finishing this section (which in fairness is quite amusing) and we're back in the green room with Lise.

Lise talks to Richard and Michelle from Malta (again, the real artists this time) and also Molly (again, real!) which makes it slightly more interesting than when she was interviewing the fake ones. Molly would have voted for the Netherlands and Malta if she could.

Moving on and we now talk with Twin Twin. Patrick's hair naturally grew a French flag. Lise has a set of moustaches for Lorent and he selects one for himslef and also one for Lise to try on. This completes this section of the show.

Nikolaj and Pilou are back on stage and we are getting ready for Emmelie. A very different performance of Only Teardrops is shown on stage. Female dancers dressed as trees, many a man banging the stage with drum sticks... not really what we are used to.

We move along into Rain Maker and you have some drummer guys kneeling in the water for this. That water is quite deep!! We have people jumping into it (and going completely under)! Many a naked torso and jumping assets in bras to ensure all the watching public have something to look at.

The flags of all the participating nations start walking on stage as do the artists. Some of the artists seem to be enjoying this more than others. And some seem to know the lyrics a bit more than others too. In fact, some of them (not mentioning names) seem to be completely baffled as to what this is.

It seems that the section where the artists were singing the song which had previously been filmed has been removed. The original idea was that all artists would be filmed singing the song and clips used for this section however, for one reason or another, not all artists were invited to do the recording. This left some of those not requested to do so quite angry about the situation so instead of finishing all recordings, it appears the item was scrapped.

It seems the next section is for this:

I say it seems since it appears there are more technical issues and therefore everyone is just standing around looking confused. There's a lot of Danish being spoken - which I don't understand - and many a person with papers looking at what is going on next. The video posted above has been shown in bits and pieces so and Nikolaj has been seen at the white piano for a bit. I guess it might be considered funny and entertaining in some areas of the continent.

And yes, we have started again and in fact it is this ode to 12 points which is the next section.

And finally we have arrived to the most important part of the night - the votes! All the spokespeople will give a wave before the voting starts. Each of them is seen in a big block projected on the back wall.

And yet another issue now with the scores - no one knows who starts, is it Albania or Hungary? Again we seem to be needing to fill time while things get organised.

You'd assume that this part could not have been screwed up but it has been. Oh well, teething problems I'm sure. And now we start with the voting. And it is Albania who start us off. But it seems we are going in alphabetical order since next is Armenia. Ukraine gets 12 from 'Albania' and Belarus the twelve from 'Armenia'. I can see a pattern here. Will Azerbaijan get those from 'Austria' who is next to vote?

And yes, yes they do. So we know what the voting is like for this dress rehearsal. Alphabetical order for the country order and the 12 goes to the next song in line in performance order.

The voting order is ISO-2 code rather than alphabetical, Switzerland (CH) votes next after Belgium.

And yet more technical issues in this section. At least it's just a run through. Not nice to be watching this.

And if you were wondering why on earth it took so long to update anything, it's because it seems the voting section has been given up on. Nothing showing on screen, no audio and no one who seems to know what is going on It's raining heavily outside and well, that's about it. If nothing seems to be happening shortly I might take the opportunity to close and go for some much needed rest.

1st Dress Rehearsal - 2014 Final (Songs 13-26)

Sweden
Impeccable performance, amazing staging as always, lights that work, this just screams to us top 5, if not winner. Unfortunately it is unlikely that Sweden will win again this year, but thankfully it is after a break so Conchita is unlikely to affect the result. Could Sanna be fighting Molly for the trophy? Wouldn't be too surprised if it did! 

France
The guys of Twin Twin are hanging round in a back alley street. They are playing with bikes and have hooked up smoke canisters which have colours added. The colours are those of the French tricolore.

There is a technical issue on stage and therefore Nikolaj has to do a very painful improvisation talk with the audience to keep the attention. If this happened on the night I can see many kettles being lit.

Which may not be just because of the Nikolaj speech, but also because unfortunatley France seems to be a disaster live. We start with Lorent shouting "Hello Copenhagen" and continuing with "We are Twin Twin!" - not to ruin his excitement but we know who they are, the commentator just told us.

No one would love to see these amazingly funny guys do really well in the contest but even though they have fun staging, fun attitudes and a fun performance, it does not manage to distract you from the fact that they are at best Euroclub karaoke singers who have decided to go on stage after a bit of Dutch courage being ingested. I can see Elaiza and Twin Twin fighting for the wooden spoon this year.

Russia
As many reports have been made in various media, there was a lot of boo's for the girls on their qualification on Tuesday. Even though we may all have our personal views on the situation regarding the policies of Russia and the decisions of their elite, this does not allow for the ruining of one of the happiest moments for two 17-year-old sisters who have nothing to do with the decision making of their political leader.

The song itself is good enough, and it's representing Russia so it will not do terribly even if the juries are not impressed as they were not with Alex Sparrow back in 2011. Could just miss out on top 10, but most likely between 7th and 11th.

Italy
Emma is in an open-air market. She goes round the stalls and buys some basil, tomatoes and mozzarella. She then goes back and is seen on a roof terrance cutting the produce bought and paces them in a serving bowl. Basil, mozzarella and tomatoes form the Italian flag.

Someone should inform Emma that clapping on the microphone is probably not the best thing you can do when you're singing live. Playback maybe, but live not. She still sounds very out of breath and you're half expecting her to decide to take a break and light up a cigarette. Shots of the cameraman's arse behind the lead singer bending over is lovely and will work well I'm sure *cough*.

Hot mess, and not in a good way. Probably Italy's worst result since coming back to Eurovision.

Slovenia
My wild prediction made it thorugh so very glad about that. Even though my second one of Israel passing and failing was beaten by the fact she didn't even get through to the Saturday show...

I still think this will do quite well, maybe not amazingly well, but well. I say top of the right hand side. It is not going to be lighting up living rooms accross the continent but will find enough classic supporters to persuade a decent showing. Slovenia as we know used to be considered doomed, with not even their former compatriots of former Yugoslavia bothering to give them many points. Neither their neighbours of Austria or Hungary, the forgotten country if you will, so the fact they qualified for the first time since Maja Keuc back in Düsseldorf is an achievement in itself. 

Finland
This was bound to get through to Saturday and it did ot fail to deliver. Will it be enough though to see them have a strong showing on the night? Not convinced that it will. It was a strong song in the semi-final but now that there are the strongest songs from both semis involved and having Spain just after them might mean they are quickly forgotten. Having said that however, the aficionado's of the genre will be voting for them en masse. Hard to predict this one but I would keep Finland in the second half of the score board. 

Spain
Ruth and her dancer friend are using woold and twirling it round two columns of a building. They obviously use yellor and red wool and once they have enough, a picture is taken of the Spanish flag.

And Ruth has wet hair, or at least appears to be wet, which may not be the most advised when the weather is as changeable as it is here in Denmark. Nonetheless, she belts out her rendition of the song, and in a much cleaner and less screachy style we have seen in the rehearsals. A big applause in the press area in heard after once done, but that is mainly since again it is dominated by Hispanics. A strong top 10 showing I believe.

Switzerland
Another lovely song next. Sebastiano is still the cutest thing and you can't help but go "awww!" every time you see him. His charm and song were enough to see him beat the likes of Mei last night, but what would they be able to grant him on Saturday? Unfortunately I would say not too much, since cuteness and charm do not always translate in votes for the Saturday when Joe Public is watching. I believe Sebalter will be celebrating their achievement anyway, which they should be proud of, however I doubt we will see them very high on Saturday.

Hungary
Running, running, running, yes she is! And it's great that András and the Hungarian team managed to portray the song so well on stage. It could have easily gone very wrong for the Magyars this year but it did not - to which a big sigh of relief I am sure. Currently Hungary are 6th favourite to win, could an extremely electifying performance help them do better? There are always many factors to take into consideration but with the level of the songs this year I doubt that we are too expect much more. A top 5 is possible but I agree with the standings and say 6th is more likely.

Malta
Michelle is wearing her glasses this afternoon - I guess too much celebrating last night. Another good rendition by this group even though at points they appear not to be as enthousiastic as they have been in previous days, again possibly due to the celebrations. But an artist must be professional at all times and hope they bring it out of the bag for the Jury Final tonight.

Trying to keep an open mind about the song and not let my personal connection hype it more than it should, I believe the performance is strong enough for a top 10 or at least a close to. First half of the board.

Denmark
Well, the danes doe things a bit differently... Basim and his friends decide to paint old furniture, including three-piece suit in the colours of Denmark. The picture does not seem to correctly represent what they were doing but since when did that matter?

Yes it is catchy, and yes you have the skubidubida thing but really, I still don't see what this is all about. And the fact that many a Dane thinks it will win just because it is catchy makes me question it even more. Vocally it is struggling this afternoon and that is without him having to have passed a semi-final just last night. The face flag has gone and now just the big heart with "Love" written on it remains.

The host country generally does well, but could we be facing another You so close to last year? If the performance is anything like this was, possibly yes!

Netherlands
After the Dutch post card ended, Pilou appears on stage in order to tell us three songs remain. It appears that the crew behind the song were not ready and therefore we are needing a new filler. It could be that this is just to test if it would happen in a real situation since a pre-prepared roll is played. The voiceover says "Ladies and Gentlemen, it appears we are having technical difficulties. While we fix these, here are some of the hits of the Euovision Song Contest". The video then continues to show some of the best known hits that came from the contest.

Once Calm After the Storm starts, you get the feeling that this will create a riot if there really were difficulties on the night. The interruption does make the whole continuation confusing and you're not expecting the song to just start. Maybe if they replayed the video first. I would complain vividly if I were in a delegation and this happened.

The song itself is a contender I feel. Currently third favourite this is an amazing feat since just two weeks ago they were a rank outsider where you could get amazing high odds for the country duo. Only the performance on Saturday and the voting public will be able to reveal if the bookies are right.

San Marino
Finally in the final, it is still a shock how this qualified but we all assume it is a mathematical reason of how she finished 10th due to the voting system. We don't need to be amazed at her not lighting up the scoreboard on the night however, being in between two of the top favourites while finding herself on 26th place in the odds does not bode well.

Ralf is still on the piano and Valentina is doing her best to try and make the song more appealing but it is not working. Apart from Germany and France, San Marino will probably complete the last three spots on the Final night.

United Kingdom
And we finally arrive at the song we were all waiting for. The UK postcard shows Molly rolling out white paper on a big car park. She directs old red-double decker buses to form the St. George's cross. She then directs red post office vans to be the cross of St. Patrick. After being lifted on a large fork lift, she then encourages various individuals in blue plastic raincoats to fill in the spaces in order to represent the blue of St. Andrew.

The performance is still amazing, even though this rehearsal did not have any pyro. Singing last was not the preferred choice of many of the British journalists and fans gathered in Copenhagen but it was quite likely to happen and so it did. It appears the last time a song which performed last won was back in 1989 when Riva's Rock Me clintched it for Yugoslavia. Could this be the following one? Possibly so - Manchester 2015?

Lise then comes on screen to sell off the CD and DVD and also the app where you can download all the song.

1st Dress Rehearsal - 2014 Final (Songs 1-12)

Ukraine
Vocally saving herself I think, she can do much better and these are now more of another run. Also, there is no more the pressure of having to ensure the qualification to the final which means there does not need to be that amazingness at every go. The guy in the hamster wheel however still gives it his all. Will IKEA start selling them do you think? It could be a new trend instead of the treadmill - much cheaper, doesn't run on electricity and fits quite nicely in a living room and can be the focal point of discussion when you have people over.

In regards to the song itself, not a winner I don't think but should still do pretty well. Would say top half of the board but not going to scare any of the strong entries battling for the top 5.

Belarus
Teo seems to have had a bit of a late night. It seems a bit unfair to the acts who were only selected last night to have to do this rehearsal so close to their night of celebration but there is a time limit and therefore not much DR and/or EBU could do to avoid this. It is part of the planning nightmare that is the two semi-final system.

However he might be feeling, he is doing his best up on stage. Not as good as he was last night but good enough. I don't however see Belarus lighting up the voting finger of the viewing public and therefore would be quite comfortably see it lying in the bottom right corner of the board.

Azerbaijan
And another of the former Soviet Republics to take to the stage. This however is, as you may have imagined, one that personally does light a fire. Dilara looks lovely on stage and the song is worthy of a good place in the final. The trapeze artist is still a bit off-putting but it clearly didn't stop the Land of Fire from proceeding to the final. I believe it is not unlikely to see Azerbaijan holding at minimum a top-10 position.

Iceland
Well, a pleasant surprise qualifier for this nation. And as mentioned in the press conference, why is it that Iceland always has to be revealed as the last country to proceed? Does no one in the volcanic island have a heart condition?

Vocally doing a good job and you can't help but tap your feet and do a little swing to this. It could well be a bit of a dark horse - left side of the board?

Norway
I just realised I had his postcard totally wrong but oh well... Coming so close after Azerbaijan may not have been the lucky break for Carl but with Iceland in the middle there is a break of pace which helps. Having to choose between the two nations, one dominated by ice and the other by fire, one holding the Northernmost position of Europe while the other technically making part of Asia, I still believe that Azerbaijan wins. Carl however could probably reach the top positions of the second half of the board.

Romania
Always one to look out for this country, especially after the miracle they pulled off last night. In fairness to them however, they have managed to get it a bit more slick than it was on screens before. Ovi still seems to be a bit of an extra but I guess we're used to him by now and as long as Paula is queen of the stage it's not as bad. 

Bad camera shot where you see Ovi stepping out of the circular piano - we do not need to see him bend over thank you very much!

And we see him come out of the circle again during Paula's high note. What is up with that?

The ending however is good, and can see the audience cheer and clap to this. Difficult one for me to predict since I just don't see why Europe would fall for this but it seems they do. Since I got their not-qualifying so totally wrong, I might as well go full change and say top half of the board.

Armenia
Aram is wearing a t-shirt with the Union Jack on it. Is he sending a message to anyone? Probably not, but might as well have the rumour mill started like all good fans like to gossip about. Vocally competent but I believe the song has been hyped much more than it deserves to be. It is by no means a bad song but it should not really be challenging the top positions on the night. Having said this, Armenia does tend to fair quite well at the contest and therefore would doubt them finishing outside the top 10. 

Montenegro
So glad that the Black Mountain state has managed to get through to the final. It did take them numerous failed attempts in order to get here but finally they realised that the strong Balkan ballad is all you need to ensure qualification.

Ensuring qualification it did but what happens next. Many of the strong Balkan supporters are not in this year so would Montenegro manage to ammass the amount of votes needed for a good showing? I unfortunately think not necessarily. I would therefore put it at the bottom of the left hand side of the result table.

Poland
What can be said about this that has not been said before to show how much this needs to be in everybody's life? Well, unfortunately the fact that there was an incorrect graphic popping up during the song, that the mic level broke for a few seconds making Cleo sound far far away is not the exactly what needed to be said but it is what happened.

At least it qualified which is what most people wanted. In the final it might find a bit stiffer competition than last night. Could it see its popularity rise due to it being in the final - probably, will it mean that it will be in the top half - probably not. I would expect a mid-second half showing but may they be blessed for existing in Eurovision history!

Greece
Will he remember his lyrics on the night? Well, like we reported also during the rehearsals, it seems the written version of the lyrics is not as important to this group of youngsters as it may be to some of the other artists. The song allows for improvisation without it sounding strange - unless you are used to the studio version of the song.

The trampoline gimmick must have given the people at home a nice surprise but would this be as exciting second time around? I assume yes, and it is Greece after all - so what else is there to say apart from a top 10 result?

Austria
Should we be believing the rumours that Conchita won the semi-final? Could the Austrian bearded lady have knocked the youthful excitement brought to us by the Greeks? Is it a coincidence that they have now been placed back to back? Conchita is not singing with the power of last night, but that is understandable since she must be trying to avoid straining herself too much too soon, ruining the chances of tonight's jury rehearsal and most importantly, tomorrow's live show. She does however show us that she can still get the high notes whatever the situation and a rupture of applause envelopes the press hall.

Germany
First time we're seeing the German postcard and the group forming Elaiza are in a kitchen. They are making a mixture of candy blocks and are coloured Black, Red and Gold. they are then rolled together and small sweets made from the large sugary block. A picture is taken of one of the small sweeties for showing the German colours.

Performance wise there is not much there. The song itself is not bad, Elaiza are not bad, Ela's vocals are not bad ... but it seems to just be a mixture of "not bad". The cascade of streamers is too muchand it completely covers the band. Ela's face starts to get drowned by them and she has to remove some from her face. I would assume someone will be in touch about this to ensure that this is not the final result.

A quick break now where Nikolaj tells us to follow them on twitter on #JoinUs. He also decides to insult the elder generation by telling them if they did not know what a hashtag was, not to worry and just enjoy the show. "#JoinUs in the 21st century".

The Record Book is next, with the following record being that of Highest Note. No prizes for guessing who wins this one!

Back in the arena now for "Europe [to] make some noise!". More gay inuendos being mentiones with Lise thanking all the Eurovision fans, such lovely men dressed in, well, "all the colours of the rainbow." Yes, yes, we get it, most fans are gay.

Anyway, on with the show!

1st Dress Rehearsal - 2014 Final (Pre-Songs)

Seems like we have not seen the intro video since the feed started, then went to a white screen. I believe there must be something in the middle.

And we're off! On the stage is a bunch of dancers each carrying a big flag in their hands, the flags of the competing nations. Trying to establish if it is only the 26 finalists or if it is all the entries this year. I believe it is the former.

"Europe! Are you ready to JoinUs!" is bellowed by the male announcer.

The singers are invited one by one on stage - a better concept than last years' catwalk which took forever. The nations are being introduced as "Song number ... Name of country in English, Name of Country in French, Name of country in national language (with Danish accent)".

They were going in time quite well but we see that there was an error and Poland being announced saw the Greek representatives emerge onto the stage, while the Poles came out for the announcement of La Grèce. We are now stopped until it gets fixed. Will they start it over again?

And yes, they start again from the introduction of the 26 nations. This time Poland and Greece come out at the right time.

After the entrance of the final participant, Molly from the UK, the three presenters come on stage to wish us the traditional "Good Evening Europe!". Pilou decides to talk some Chinese keeping in touch with the youtube clip of him wanting to promote China. This bit is in order to inform us that it is not only a European show but a worldwide sensation.

We move on to a video of a typical Danish family celebrating at the dinner table in order to show that they are the happiest country in the world - and that they have never been happier than they are tonight.

Lise reminds us in English that you are allowed to vote up to 20 times but unfortunately not allowed to vote for your country. Nikolaj informs us of the same however this time in French.

"Let the Eurovision Song Contest 2014, begin!"

And we're off with the postcard for Ukraine.

The morning after the night before

Well, if there was ever a time when you could have said Eurovision is all but predictable! The shocking elimination of Israel, the even more shocking elimination of Lithuania (third year in a row they have screwed me over) and the magical aligning of the stars and planets helping the Romanians clean their act up just in time for the live show.

Just moments after the show was over we already started hearing rumours that Belarus had decided not to broadcast Conchita's performance and would therefore be disqualified leaving a window open for possibly Israel (who everyone assumes must have come 11th) to qualify. These turned out to be just whispers in the wind and after contacting a couple of Minsk residents, confirmation was given that their national station did in fact show the Austrian song and there is no reason for them to be removed from the top 10.

Which leaves us to upcoming final dress rehearsal. A very strong mix of songs but many strong entries singing right at the end of the show. Could this have an adverse impact on the show - would people start getting fed up of the line-up by the time their favourite entries start being sung at in the late teens? Thankfully we have Austria at 11th and Sweden at 13th which should help keep the audience alive. Ukraine starts the show in a very strange twist. Would not have thought they would open with this but then again it is very eye catching and could work well to ensure people stay glued to their screens for the whole thee-and-a-half hours.

With four minutes to go before the start of the rehearsal, this means just enough time to go grab a coffee, make myself comfortable and get ready to flex my fingers in order to bring you the essence of what is going on!

EXCLUSIVE: Evidence found for blatant favouritism for certain songs!

One would think that, as a host nation, the importance of welcoming each participant equally enthusiastic cannot be overstated. It is simply bad form to display favouritism towards a small number of your guests, whilst at the same time obtusely ignoring others. Sadly, that is EXACTLY what this reporter has found to be the case this year! And in the process, the Danes even try to make some money out of it! In this exclusive undercover report, we will provide proof that some people high up in the organisation have already decided who will get some extra "Attention" ahead of the tv-broadcasts later this month!

For our evidence, we don't even need to be in Denmark.

Our sources hinted to us that proof can be found ALL OVER Europe!

After doing some more research, mainly simply by googling, we thought it was time for some field work. Eventually we decided to tackle the challenge head-on: We would go and do some SHOPPING! Analysis* indicated that the Netherlands might be a good place to start. We focused our attention on Rotterdam.

In this bustling shopping area, the usual chains and franchises greet you with their loud and gaudy street signs. 

It is here that we stumble upon an unobtrusive shop.

The name seems to be more indicating to an Asian background than to anything Danish. Remember Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? Incidentally, that movie is from 2000. And what country WON Eurovision in that year? Indeed! And the title of the song? "Fly on the wings of love". Fly… as in FLYING TIGER! Just stating the facts. That is all.

Back to the storefront in Rotterdam. On the shop's website, the company does admit to be linked to Denmark. But the information divulging its origins is well hidden away. Just a first clue to how deep this deception goes!

It is inside the shop though, where we find the unacceptable levels of favouritism.

It all starts innocent enough, with this little trinket.

Why would a quirky pencil sharpener be a controversial item, you ask? Well, arguably, it could be said that most countries taking part this year are more or less clearly indicated on the globe. HOWEVER, the more savvy Eurovision fan surely recognises this as a very obvious nod towards the Montenegrin song: After all, once I bought it, it IS mine! My world. Moj Svijet exactly.

"The Pirates aren't even taking part this year!" I hear a cocky eurofan smirk under his breath. Immediately he exposes himself as a very unknowledgeable fan. Yes, the packaging clearly states this item to be a Pirate Beard, but also staring us, quite aggressively so, right in the face is A MOUSTACHE!  

After that, they don't even seem to pretend to be impartial, because all over the shop floor we find merchandise blatantly supporting this year's French entry. 

Does TwinTwin even get a percentage of these sales? We should ask them at the next press conference. If they deny any knowledge of this, we can regard that as more proof.

The French aren't the only ones being cheated out of some merchandising revenue. It seems that the Israeli song has also been used as inspiration for yet another line of products. "One heart not enough? Well, here are a few more!" Notice how they are all the SAME.

It's unbelievable how they got away with it. They're not even the same shape as the ubiquitous Eurovision heart! The company managing the rights to that logo is just another party in this scandal that will not be amused.

It's remarkable how creative the perpetrators have been. Here you see some head lights. Innocent though it may seem, one only needs to see the product in action to understand that this is nothing less than trying to appease the Russians, by selling this SHINING tool.

And don't even get us started about the Swiss. They have been generously showered by the Danes this year. All over the shop you see song-related stuff propping up. It would be requiring too much bandwidth to show all infringements concerning the favouritism towards this entry. 

They may as well had changed the name of the shop to Flying Hunter of Stars!

In some cases they didn't know what song to favour first, so they decided upon some cunning combos.

If you love both the Israeli AND the Latvian entry, this is the item to buy: A cake spatula in the form of a heart! You can buy two if you need them to be the same.

The list goes on. And on and on. 

If you are near one of these stores, you can go and look for yourself!

It's as clear as the light of day, that such levels of favouritism by the host nation cannot go without consequences. To ensure the absolute fairness of the competition we are calling upon EBU to instate a moratorium on all products that are based on this year's songs.

Luckily there are some things that can't be influenced by voluntary partialism.

We need the competition to be as unpartial as the draw.

Therefore it is of utmost importance that we, the free eurofan press, keep reporting on these excesses. 

Pasha will agree. Though next time, he may need to do some proof-reading before sending his poster to the printer.