And it's NORWAY! Norway win the fake voting of the first dress rehearsal! The artist stand-ins are then lead from the green room to the B stage and later the main stage. where they hug the presenters. We still have no audio what so ever. Congratulations over and done with there is nothing left but for the three hosts to hug eachother on a job well done and talk to us about the Eurovision App (we assume). Then off to the reprise and Good Night Europe!
And this is where we finish for today, 41 minutes later than planned. Thank you to all which have been involved in this. Thanking you muchly. Do pobachennya (до побачення) to you all!
Timur is in the EBU booth with Jan Ola Sand. They are talking about something but there is no audio so we can only assume it is about hygiene products and the price of alcohol in Ukraine.
We start the televoting with Bulgaria earning 19 points. There is no bar so we do not know how many points are remaining in the pot. Belarus received 40 points putting them currently in second place but this is soon pushed to third when Ukraine receives their 46 putting them momentarily in first place.
Germany only receives 83 points from the fake televote while there are still 10 countries left to receive points. Italy is currently last with 49 points. Sweden just got points and are currently leading on 274. Italy were just behind and now have 5th place on 211. Croatia, Moldova, Israel and Norway make the final 4. Israel is 4th ranking, but earning them top place with 293. We then have the shot of the current leader on top middle box and the three remaining nations on the bottom half of the screen.
Croatia gain 179 points from televote and are now leading with 325. Israel's lead was short. Moldova (127) or Norway (104) are left. Moldova earn 194 for 321, just missing out on top place. Now, the question remains, how many points are left?
END OF JURY VOTING
The fake voting skipped most countries. We had Sweden, Azerbaijan, San Marino and Latvia give their points. However, we then went to the total board where Germany is in the lead with 180 points. Due to this, Timur goes to talk to Levina. He also goes to the Ukrainian pod who are currently second with 147. No time to talk to Jacques however, who is third with 146 points. We still have no audio in the press centre so going purely by visuals. UK on 139 and Belgium on 133 complete the fake top 5.
We have Volo and Oleks on stage with the platform however their mike's are off and we can't hear anything. But it appears it's the voting. And since it's fake, you know how this goes.
There is one more run through of the voting numbers happening at the bottom of the screen. Wouldn't be bad if it were not that France's number appears two seconds before we stop voting. I'm sure that will work well. Positive.
After the close, we then move to Timur who is with Eurovision Queen - Verka. And again another moment where no one knows what the f is going on. Wonderful. Please cancel that cab for 18:30 please, we may be a while.
Take 2: This is horrendous. Verka will make a falling star - which means she takes her helmet off for the first time ever. You wouldn't believe this cr*p unless you were watching it. Even Timur seems amused by the randomness of it all. "That was it" he says while starting to giggle to himself and hold his arms out in a wtf manner.
No one has a clue of what is going on now. Jamala is still on B Stage, and Volo and Oleks are now coming on stage but they thought that Jamala wanted to say something after the song, but apparently she didn't. Shambles.
First ever television performance of this song! Hurrah! It's basically Jamala just singing her new single I Believe in You. No real prizes for guessing why this is an exclusive. While she's singing, we get the numbers at the bottom of the screen for what could be the final time. I'm sure we should be done with this soon - or has the show been extended again?
And we have yet another reminder of the songs which are competing for your vote.
Timur is back on stage and gives us some more facts about Eurovision. Wouldn't be too bad if they weren't just re-used information that we've all heard before.
We then have a clip of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest winner, Mariam Mamadashvili from Georgia. She then comes on stage and hopes to see everyone in Georgia for the Junior Eurovision Song Contest. Volo. then asks her if she enjoyed the show. She unfortunately wasn't sure what to answer. Her cue card says "Yes, it was amazing" but her body language and her hesitation and loss of memory wants to say "it's been freaking sheit!". Volodymyr wants to do the part again. She clearly is not a professional presenter.
Unfortunately we're not seeing the names of the intervals, such as Ruslana's song and this. From what I can understand it seems to cover all areas of Ukrainain music into a decently modern catchy song. Starting off with a single flute, the sound then encompasses traditional Ukrainian trembitas , traditional drums and harps, violins and chellos, while also modern instruments such as a small keyboard. We then see someone playing an instrument which we've never seen before nor can find online. It's basically a drum but has a horse tail coming out of it and the sound is made by pulling on the horse's tail. Very weird. But works.
Timur interviews more audience members, well, one, Luke Gardner from Australia. We're all really interested in what is being talked about, really, riveting.
Another issue means we're not going to the next part of the show but get to see Timur just hanging around looking cute. Best part of the Hosts' involvement in the show so far.
Another recap is on its way - not before we can be reminded of the Eurovision app however - thankfully this time only on screen.
A SPECIAL TREAT
Ruslana is next to grace on stage. And there is a problem. So we'll need to start again.
Ah! So the issue was that there should a video - or so it seems. Yes, that was it, the video lasts a few seconds and then we have Ruslana on stage. Basically it's a new song with the same dancing style of Wild Dances and Dance with the Wolves and all other songs she may have had since. We're not sure which language this is in, it seems like it should be Ukrainian but sometimes there are some words which seem like we can understand and therefore it could be that it's English - or at least Ruslana's version of it.
The songs are recap'd for the first time tonight.
VERKA SERDUCHKA AND START VOTING
Well, just as the above mentions, Verka Serduchka is invited on stage and the voting is started. Very messy rehearsal.
[For some unknown reason we are not able to embed the video for France]
Postcard: Alma is having a petit déjeuner and is scrap-booking at the same time. Talented she is for sure. She also like to explore rooftops and fancy sky roof-lit hallways. Each to his/her own.
Vocally not outstanding but show is entertaining enough. Last time the contest was in Kyiv, France also closed the show with Ortal's Chacun pense à soi but it only managed a 23 out of 24 placing. Will Alma manage any better? On a side note, ending last that year was Germany - not boding well for Levina either.
Another quick stop to inform the people of the Eurovision App. In case they didn't already know from the 27,654 times it has been mentioned over the course of three nights.
And then you just get a massive head with lasers and later scary yellow-eyes. Wholesome indeedy. But all in all a good performance and this was enjoyed by the audience in the arena at least - we're assuming though that most of them are Ukrainian. Not a shabby entry and I would go as far as to say it would have probably qualified from a semi if it needed to. Will the luck of the host nation reign also on this band?
Not much is being expected from Levina but she's still enjoying herself and giving it her all. Unfortunately when your song isn't really a crowd-pleaser it's not always easy to feel motivated but she is handling this professionally. And as we've asked before - will it be possible for Germany to avoid the 'last place consecutive hat-trick?!'
This is by no doubt the best staging of a UK entry in many a year. And it is shown by how the song has shot up in the betting odds. Yes, many Brits vote for the UK song winning even when they haven't even heard of it, but this time the betting could be correct. Lucie is pitch-perfect and is confident on stage. As always, it could go all wrong on the night (remember 17th placed Molly and Children of the Universe?) but doubt this will be the case in 2017.
God, these breaks are so bad! Really! Volo learned English from friends apparently "How you doin'". Oleks from the Royal Family, and Timur from Vitali Klitschko. The two high-five but Timur hurts his hand. Kill me now.
We are then on to a clip. Finally! Måns, dressed in a tux comes over and says he is there since he was the host of the very successful Eurovision Song Contest 2016 would the guys like a few tips. After informing them of the issues they will have to deal with, the guys accept the tips. We then move into a dramatic number which is held in a gym. This is actually reasonably funny. I guess it was written by a Swede.
That shirt looks unbuttoned enough to give up #hairynipplegate once more. Let's hope he doesn't move too much, once was enough. The sad thing is, coming after Greece, this actually doesn't seem that bad. It's always gonna be a shit song, and it's always gonna be sung by someone you want to slap right in the face, but in comparison... Manel also does some bum notes but no one is really that fussed any more.
We have another quick break. Timur is in the green room and he gives a mention to Artsvik and the girls from The Netherlands. He also mentions about the new competition - Eurovision Choir of the Year which will be held in Riga, Latvia.
After a quick clip of the Choir competition, Volo and Oleks are back on stage. They try to be funny by mentioning that the audience "seem to have left their wife at home." Ha ha ha, *so* funny, stiches, remind me to get them next time we hear it. They cannot deliver these jokes.
We now have a few random audience members being interviewed by Volo. We then quickly go to Azerbaijan but not until after Henrik tells someone off for having camera lamps on. Camera lamps are not allowed during the song "... unless they're our own."
A really short break just to ask people to get in touch with the show. Like anyone's tweets will actually be read out. #dontwasteyourtime
The three hosts are now on stage and reading their lines from cue cards. It doesn't seem they were given them much time in advance. We get to see a picture of each of the presenters when they were younger. Again, the script is no masterpiece. Bring back Måns and Petra! Timur leaves the stages and the other two keep on talking about stuff we don't care about. We then get to see the board with the 26 competing nations. "Let the grand final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2017 begin!"
We do not get to see the opening of the show nor the first three artists come on stage. However we see artist introduction as of Nathan Trent from Austria. There are flags appearing on the backdrop and the artists comes from backstage. There is a voice saying "number one", "number two" etc but they are not actually the numbers which the artists will sing in. I guess they are still getting this piece sorted. There is a couple of short breaks to let the artists get to the green room. One before Australia, one before Germany. Once all artists are in the green room, we are asked to welcome the hosts!
BEFORE WE START
We made it! God, traffic on a Friday afternoon in Kyiv is just terrible! All in all, waiting for and riding with Uber took 57 minutes - and I thought I was being clever trying to get here with time to spare! Thankfully however the show seems to be a few minutes late which gives just enough time to set up and pretend you've got nothing to panic about.