I want to return to the elephant in the room.
Auri let me know that he is not in any way offended by being referred to as an elephant. I know this because I asked him. I didn't *quite* understand his muffled cries completely but assume it's all good. He kept shrieking the colour green in anguish. I wonder what that might be all about. We'll never know for sure.
After someone chastised me for not giving sufficient warning to the show's contents, and after I was unfortunately unable to liveblog this afternoon (I was doing something else), I will be providing you with a detailed account of the jury show for Semi 2. I will include a full breakdown of when you can expect what in the show. That means: spoiler alert!
I can already inform you that Taylor Swift is no more... being played in the media centre. Instead, we now get a recap of all Eurovision winners from 1956 onwards. Several times a day.
Eröffnungszeremonie (21:00)
The show opens with Wasted Love... performed by our hosts of the evening in a clearly prerecorded segment. Of course, everything goes horribly wrong as they try to mimic JJ's Eurovision performance from last year. They nearly kill themselves multiple times and one can only hope for someting to go actually wrong at some point. I really hope Austrians find this funny at least.
The hosts then arrive on stage, in the ruins of JJ's stage performance and 'injured'. They also welcome an assistant in the greenroom as if we are supposed to know who she is already. I think her name is Emily? Not in Paris though. Viennese café, remember. Suuure.
More French language jokes. Mais oui.
01. Bulgarien (21:08)
Dara has four dancers who struggle to do their make-up and look somewhat like clowns. It looks daft initially, but then develops in a very slick visual and vocal performance. The five of them perform from what looks like a class or a waiting room until the final part of the song when they are on the main stage.
It's very impressive in terms of choreography, staging and camerawork. Again a solid start to a semi - the producers clearly know what they're doing in terms of running order this year. Dara's singing and dancing is truly mind-blowing.
02. Aserbaidschan ((lol)21:12)
Jiva starts all alone on stage in front of a screen with curtains, failing to hide the gigantic LED screen behind her. Our second performer also has weird make-up, but there is nothing else remotely memorable about this whatsoever. Which is truly a shame. In 2011 or so this could have worked quite well.
She switches to Azeri in the second chorus where she is joined by a man who casually walks on stage before being pushed away by Jiva. He just makes some weird movements on stage instead for the rest of the performance as if he is having a stroke.
She ends with thanking Austria and saying pussy. Mrs. Slocombe is unanimous in that she does not approve.
03. Rumänien (21:16)
Alexandra's performance starts beautifully, very dramatic with the wide strings attached from her outfit to the guitars of the two gentlemen joining her on stage. I'm not sure what the purpose of the White Lady is making a few random appearances but it looks pretty cool.
Impressive camerawork and overall very good vocals from Alexandra throughout but yet this still feels a bit... empty? It's not fully winning me over yet but it could very well do so later.
04. Luxemburg (21:21)
Eva Marija is very nervous tonight and you can hear and see it. Might be sound issues. She's all alone on stage which wasn't the best idea. They very clearly go for the effects onscreen and in the LED screens behind and below her to make it look visually appealing. The choreography is definitely there, and of course also the violin.
But it all falls rather flat unfortunately overall. It's all very endearing, but I doubt this will pick up many points across the board.
05. Tschechien (21:25)
Daniel is also alone on stage, but actually has a proper staging going for him, which makes it look like he's not alone. He's surrounded by mirrors which work very effectively and are constantly moved to create an array of neat optical illusions. This looks especially beautiful in the second chorus where the light design is also on point. The big climax is on point vocally, but I find this latter part rather disappointing visually. I'm very much torn on this one.
Michael Ostrowski 'slipped into something more comfortable' with a lot of feathers and now sports an offensive French accent, 'Allo 'Allo style. Guess which country is next? (21:28)
XX. Frankreich (21:30)
Monroe starts alone on stage dressed in white before being joined by five dancers dressed in black. She looks and sounds amazing. How is she only 17?
The kitsch factor is incredibly high with this and it's mainly vocal acrobatics, but by God, it works so well on screen. Awesome light design and use of smoke throughout the choreography.
This can win, peeps.
We are treated to another Professor Eurovision segment, asking the question: Why are there only gays at Eurovision? Yes, really. That's the literal question asked by a 'student'. Apparently Dany Dauberson (of France 1956 fame) lived with a female 'life companion'.
The segment literally ends with Victoria saying "I hope we can replace all letters in LGBTQIA with just one. H. For Human."
I'll stay polite: I appreciate what this tries to do. (21:34)
06. Armenien (21:38)
Simón (no need for the diacritic there whatsoever) starts with his five dancers and post-id-dotted jacket inside an elevator, quickly making their way onto the main stage. From there on, it's less coherent than I had thought this would be. When the song is played at 2.5x speed he loses the jacket and invites Europe to 'go crazy' with him. Very cool visuals and use of light design in yellow, white and black. But I'm honestly not sure if this is very good or a total car crash.
07. Schweiz (21:41)
Veronica starts all alone in dark with a very long microphone thread that she appears to have stolen from Alexandra. During the first chorus this develops with some white added to it.
The second verse sees the introduction of four dancers wearing red strings and some hideous camerashots with *two* camera people visible at the same time. From the second chorus onwards the five of them move around in a red tangled web of which I'm not very sure what it is supposed to represent. The guitar solo shot looks really cool with Victoria caught in the web behind her.
I don't get this at all - but I think I like it more than I had expected.
Michael Ostrowski (who is wearing the same ensemble as on Tuesday although in a different colour) discusses becoming a 'eurofan', merely intended to promote Eurovision.com. He highlights that Cyprus holds the record for most appearances without a win, which is always nice to stress of course. (21:45)
08. Zypern
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XX. Österreich
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09. Lettland
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10. Dänemark
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11. Australien
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12. Ukraine
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XX. Vereinigtes Königreich
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13. Albanien
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14. Malta
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15. Norwegen
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