Day 1 rehearsals: MD, AM, BE + NL

We're just about ready to go. Will update this post as the rehearsals happen. So don't be afraid to refresh!

MOLDOVA

So the first thing has gone wrong - screens in the press room weren't showing anything. Based on the 'official' video, there is a giant climbing frame prop thingy, which I assume will be used to great effect. And you've no doubt seen the pics of the police uniforms, Not mot more I can say really, so I'll go and get some more coffee instead.

Oh update to the update! We just got the last run through. Much grinding and booty shaking (close up of lady dancer there). There's a strip so we get to admire Eduard's torso for the last chorus. The police dancers are in PVC lederhosen. As you do.

ARMENIA

Dark blue clothes, flappy arms and a wind machine (complete with giant animated tree blowing accordingly). They've put in some Nicki Frech-esque choreography for the time-ticking part of the lyrics. Why wouldn't you?

At one point a map of the world appears on the floor and the singers move to their respective continents. Subtle!

Vocally decent, if somewhat nasal in parts. The girls and better than the boys,

BELGIUM

Well, it sounds better than it looks. There's all kinds of odd choreography from the backing group (who are Witloof Bay Juniors) and indeed for Loic himself. He was just going through the motions though (as it is, indeed, a rehearsal) and I reckon it will look good once they tighten things up.

Vocally, no probs.

(I should add this is one of my fave songs and I am notoriously bad at disconnecting my opinions from what I see and hear)

The choreography isn't going down well in the press centre, but I think it works. It's a quirky song, and as such quirky moves fit nicely.

NETHERLANDS

Mwahaha. Fashion disaster de luxe. But it does at least distract from the monotony of the song.

Where to begin? Trijntje is trying out different veils to start the song, as if she's planning to go to a funeral. But you wouldn't go to a funeral in THAT dress. Think Mando in 2003, but with even more cleavage. Backing singers also look an absolute mess. At one point L O V E appear on her fingers with some magic lights. Goodness knows what they were smoking when they came up with this (or well, I can guess).

Vocally competent, but there's so much visual weirdness you really forget the song.