Once again, this little fish is not actually at Eurovision in Kyiv, but in a sunny Syden location. That's not going to stop me from trying to predict the result, is it?
It's obviously only the ten qualifiers we'll get to know tonight, but just to sort out my mind, I've tried to predict the full result below. So we won't know how wrong I am until after the final, when the full semi results are revealed. I'm guessing about eleventyfive metres wrong.
1 Portugal | Hoping and thinking this will win both jury and televote.
2 Finland | Ilike both piano part and rest.
3 Armenia | Good and different song, good staging, being Armenia... If this doesn't qualify you can call me an owl for the next month.
4 Belgium | Reports have not been promising, but I'm keeping faith - I think it's way too strong a song to be wrecked by a performance that isn't necessarily perfect.
5 Sweden | Dulldulldull.
6 Azerbaijan | 🐴
7 Greece | An actual chorus would get this higher, but I suppose a beat and her face should be enough to see it safely through, even though I doubt it'll do much in the final.
8 Cyprus | Of the rehearsal footage I've seen, this is the one that impressed me the most. It has been fluctuating between 'lost cause' and 'borderliner losing out' all season for me, but I think it should be pretty safe after all.
9 Georgia | I've started bloody loving this. Best ending in the conteWHOMP
10 Slovenia | Certainly helped by the draw - quite ordinary, but think it'll come across as 'solid' at this point.
11 Moldova | Doubt the jury will like it, so it'll come down to the televote. I don't think it'll be enough personally, but certainly won't be far off.
12 Poland | Love this, but fear it'll disappear a bit.
13 Australia | Dulldulldull.
14 Albania | Tuneless Albanian screeching with big teeth, what's not to love?! Easily my favourite all season, but for some unfathomable reason, not everyone seem to agree! 🙄
15 Iceland | Good song, but it's hard to care about, somehow, and she comes across as pretty cold. Which could often work on me as a Scandi, but when even I think she seems unlikeable, what are Southern Europeans etc going to think... It all gives me Icebreaker vibes.
16 Montenegro | For someone as flaunty as Slavko, it's quite impressive how boring this is.
17 Czechia | Yes, I'm doing the Czechia-thing, deal with it. Surely not getting any televotes apart from maybe a handful from Poland?
18 Latvia | Czechia might be able to gather some jury points, but can't see why this would. And why would anyone televote for a sub-par dancey act performed on a dark, aggressive, neon-y stage by unlikeable people?
Have a fun evening, everyone - don't forget to stock up on rosé and icecubes!
It's obviously only the ten qualifiers we'll get to know tonight, but just to sort out my mind, I've tried to predict the full result below. So we won't know how wrong I am until after the final, when the full semi results are revealed. I'm guessing about eleventyfive metres wrong.
1 Portugal | Hoping and thinking this will win both jury and televote.
2 Finland | Ilike both piano part and rest.
3 Armenia | Good and different song, good staging, being Armenia... If this doesn't qualify you can call me an owl for the next month.
4 Belgium | Reports have not been promising, but I'm keeping faith - I think it's way too strong a song to be wrecked by a performance that isn't necessarily perfect.
5 Sweden | Dulldulldull.
6 Azerbaijan | 🐴
7 Greece | An actual chorus would get this higher, but I suppose a beat and her face should be enough to see it safely through, even though I doubt it'll do much in the final.
8 Cyprus | Of the rehearsal footage I've seen, this is the one that impressed me the most. It has been fluctuating between 'lost cause' and 'borderliner losing out' all season for me, but I think it should be pretty safe after all.
9 Georgia | I've started bloody loving this. Best ending in the conteWHOMP
10 Slovenia | Certainly helped by the draw - quite ordinary, but think it'll come across as 'solid' at this point.
11 Moldova | Doubt the jury will like it, so it'll come down to the televote. I don't think it'll be enough personally, but certainly won't be far off.
12 Poland | Love this, but fear it'll disappear a bit.
13 Australia | Dulldulldull.
14 Albania | Tuneless Albanian screeching with big teeth, what's not to love?! Easily my favourite all season, but for some unfathomable reason, not everyone seem to agree! 🙄
15 Iceland | Good song, but it's hard to care about, somehow, and she comes across as pretty cold. Which could often work on me as a Scandi, but when even I think she seems unlikeable, what are Southern Europeans etc going to think... It all gives me Icebreaker vibes.
16 Montenegro | For someone as flaunty as Slavko, it's quite impressive how boring this is.
17 Czechia | Yes, I'm doing the Czechia-thing, deal with it. Surely not getting any televotes apart from maybe a handful from Poland?
18 Latvia | Czechia might be able to gather some jury points, but can't see why this would. And why would anyone televote for a sub-par dancey act performed on a dark, aggressive, neon-y stage by unlikeable people?
Have a fun evening, everyone - don't forget to stock up on rosé and icecubes!
Thanks man. I really like how you write this. If you're not right, no harm done. What is so remarkable, apart from the Portugal song, that I really cannot stand personally, you have these details that also touch me. The Finnish piano is so beautiful, better than her voice, and the oomph at the end of Georgia is apocalyptic that it's the only reason I want to listen to the rest after Who told you. Thank you so much, your words made me smile.
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